Oh yeah I have this blog still

Hey I'm not dead! Yet again here we are months apart from the previous post, so time to recap on whatever I can remember:

Firstly: Still no car or bike license, meh.

Secondly: I quit my job at the bar, as it just started to get way too depressing for me to keep working there. Everything just kinda hit a bottomless chasm; I had no energy ever, I felt like I was sorta not connecting properly with the people I worked with, I had a ton more hours than I would've liked, complete lack of sunlight, and just a general feeling of misery that I couldn't shake until I abandoned the job itself. I was hounded for it because I didn't have any backup job setup for myself but I consider my health to be a higher priority than money, as long as I am still at home with the parents at least.

Thirdly: Getting back into 3D, ditching the pro gaming idea (for now at least) and the bar work stuff may only come back as a couple of days a week part time job (and more likely it'll just be me finding work at a bottle-shop or something). I nabbed a 20 day work experience period at a video game company in Fremantle helping them work on the menu area for their video game (characters walking around in the background and such), which was an amazing eye opener thanks to the other artist I was working with, who really opened my eyes to what is possible in 3D nowadays. So now that that is over, and I have a neat referral and work experience to put on my resume, I'm working on my own stuff again.

I've also found that, it's so much easier for me to work on something, if I simply get out of the house and go somewhere else to work on it. For a couple of days this week, I've been going back to the place I studied 3D and making use of their facilities, with remarkable productivity boosts as a result. When I'm at home, I guess my brain just wanders and tells itself it can do stuff later, but when I get out of the house I get more into the "you're not at home, you're on a computer, it's workin time" mode and it's really great. Happy to be back to working on something I find meaningful.

And Lastly, but what I consider to be most importantly, I may have fallen for someone (or at least finally acknowledged that I've fallen for them). If you'll remember from my last post I mentioned that I was very much detached from romantic feelings towards any women now. Well that seems to have changed, as I currently find myself COMPLETELY attached to this one girl I know. I don't even actually know her that well, but I'm always kinda drawn to look at her when she's around, and I'd really like to get to know her better.

Some slight complications with this situation however
1) I'm shy as fuck around her and can't seem to find the courage to just try talking to her. I don't get why, but that's just how it is. Makes me sigh when I think about it.
2). She is in fact, the younger sister of one of my friends. However, I've already talked to him about it and he's a total bro about it so this isn't really an issue anymore.
3). She is only 15 years old (the legal age here is 16). This is mainly an issue from a legal point of view, since if we were the same age I wouldn't even think about this, however I am in fact 19, and I'll be turning 20 in January (shit that rocked up fast). From a moral standpoint, I don't find my attraction creepy at all, in fact I find it hard most of the time to think about anything perverted regarding her, almost as if I would rather not think of her like that for some reason. Also she turns 16 in only a few months, and I'm in no desperate hurry to rush straight to anything.

If anything, I'm afraid of her being snatched away by someone else while I sit by, twiddling my thumbs, thinking of what to say to her. Also I don't think I've mentioned as such yet, but from the way I see her, it seems as if she is also attracted to me on some level, though I cannot be certain of anything, as my ability to recognize signals of any kind is god-awful. It would be nice though, if things were to somehow work out. In this way I think my ideals of love and relationships has changed a lot since high-school days. I actually wish I could have my virginity back sometimes, but that is done with now so it's not work thinking about.

What else to say... well, not much really, since I can't be bothered getting into the specifics of stuff like what anime I've watched, manga I've read, or games I've played, however I have been spending way too much time playing Monday Night Combat on PC lately. I'm ranked in the top 100 almost for total crossfire mode earnings, which is kinda crazy (doesn't mean I'm in the top 100 most skilled players group though, no real way to determine that unfortunately).

So I guess for now this is goodbye again, but hopefully it's not such a long goodbye this time, so that I may actually update this thing (for nobody to read lol). That is... so long as I don't get lost in my swooning over the girl...

<3